So one thing I wanted to do with my blog, was to try and make posts every few days...as you can tell, I am a little behind this week! Happens when you are a mom, especially a mom of a baby, because a baby decides when you will and will not do things. Not in a bad way, but a baby requires more attention then say a 4 year old.
Before I became a mommy, I was a full-time nanny. I always assumed that nanny=mommy, and it pretty much does. Especially if you stay with a family for many years. You really care and develop a love for the children that you put all of your time into. But one difference I noticed when I became a mommy was a whole new level of concern. Example, when I would put the baby to bed as a nanny, I did the night time routine, put her in her bed, closed the door, turned on the monitor, and went on to do things I needed to do. As a mommy, it took me 7 months to let my baby sleep overnight in her crib. I just worried about her being alone in this "big" bed overnight. I never thought about it in that way when it wasn't "my" baby.
I also had a new experience Friday as a mommy vs. a nanny. When you are a nanny and something goes wrong with a child, like a high fever or uncontrollable crying (like something is wrong after you've tried everything..) you call the parents up, explain what is going on and see what else they would like you to do, sometimes resulting in them wanting to just come home. When you are a mommy, you have to try and figure that out yourself. And Friday I found myself going back to my nanny mindset, calling my husband asking what I should do! After the fact, I kind of had the feeling of I should have known.. "I am her mother and I should KNOW what to do," but sometimes you just don't.
This is why I am going to sometimes share my life in mommywood with the "world". Just in case I reach that ONE mom who thinks she is the only one going through something, but comes across my blog and says YES, I went through that too, I felt like that or I thought I was the only one. Because trust me, when you move into mommywood, there will be at least one time you will have a moment when you feel like you are the only one going through it.
Which brings me back to my Friday. It started as a normal day. Get the baby up, do the morning routine, and start the day. I noticed right away she was on the fussy-side and immediately started the routine of the rotation: being in her walker, playing with toys, trying a bottle & a nap. When the nap wasn't working, I decided I would try some Tylenol because it MUST be her teeth driving her nuts and making her fussy. Back to the rotation. After 10minutes of being in her walker, her fussiness suddenly turned into CRYING. Huge tears rolling down her face. So I picked her up and decided to rock her, I was thinking geez the last time she was teething it wasn't to the point of CRYING like this. As I rocked her, she started to clinch up and started to make a grunting or groaning sound. My next thought moved to maybe she is starting to get constipated...she did poo the day before, but it wasn't a "big" one, so it has to be that. I took her to her room to change her and feel of her stomach and maybe try some of those leg exercises I learned to help move things around. When I laid her on the the changing area, I first noticed her legs & feet being a grayish-purple tint. At first I thought, now surely my floors are not that dirty, but I soon noticed that was not the case. It was in fact her skin and they were cold. She was still making the grunting sound and now I noticed she was shaking...This made me start to worry and cry. I didn't know what was wrong or what to do.
I called my husband, told him what was going on and he asked me what I thought. I just kept saying I don't know. He said I should load her up and bring her to the office so we could decide whether we should take her to the er or try to get her in at her doctor's office. Plus his mother works at our office, so maybe she could help as well....maybe she was just constipated and I was over-worrying. So off to the office we went. By the time we got to the office (15-20min drive), she was burning up. She also became almost limp and didn't even want to hold her head up. I was at such a loss as to what was wrong with her and it was one of the worst feelings I have ever felt. I realize you can't know everything as a mom, but you still just feel like you should.
So we got to her doctor's office, barely got out of the car and a nurse had met us outside. She was trying to check her out and then I got her out of her car seat and the nurse shut the car door. With our bag AND keys still inside. So we had to call a locksmith while they were checking her over. My husband dealt with the locksmith while I explained everything she was doing. They decided to do a urine test and wanted to send us over for a blood test. They gave her some Motrin and sent us on to the lab. By the time we got to the lab her fever broke, she got her blood drawn and back to the office to wait for the results. They ordered them STAT but we still waited an hour and a half, which with a 9 month old in a room that seems to be getting smaller by the minute, felt like f o r e v e r. They came in and said the results were in and it was an easy fix, she had a UTI caused from ecoli. It explained all of her symptoms and just needed an antibiotic. I asked if they could just call the prescription in so it was ready by the time I got back to the pharmacy by our house, she obliged and we were on our way.
Getting in the car, I do what I do a million times...set my bag down, start the automatic start, set my keys down by her seat, put her in her car seat, told myself DO NOT FORGET THE KEYS and then this time I thought, better grab my wallet for the pharmacy, get the phone to call the husband for an update, and don't forget the paci in case she needs it while I am driving. Shut the door and tried to grab the door as soon as I released it. TOO LATE. Keys AND THE BABY INSIDE. First thought was bust a window out, but I did remember that I started the car so we had about 10-15mins before it would shut off without the key in the ignition. Ran inside in near meltdown mode and told them I locked her in the car. They told me it was okay, it happens all the time and they will just call 911 because the firemen can get there and in faster than a locksmith. I'm still just bawling my eyes out and go back outside. They are hugging me telling me it's okay, I had a rough/emotional day and that it does happen all the time. It may happen all of the time, but you still just feel like you are a failure and that it doesn't. The firemen came, sirens blaring, and started trying to get the door unlocked. 3 firemen, 5 minutes of the car NOT running and they got it open. She was crying because she was scared with them being on her window, and we took her in to be looked over. She was fine, other than being sick and on we went (with help to the car) to go get her home.
Now that was my Friday...one of the worst days I have ever had and by far the worst thus far in mommywood. But through it all, we survived. A fussy weekend but slowly improving. Monday night was a night of no sleep. She was up most of the night and all morning-day. She finally crashed at 3:45pm and got a much needed nap! Monday to Tuesdays ordeal was now due to teething. Teething is not a fun phase...although, it truly is different for every baby.
So to sum it all up, it comes down to this... even though I vent, cry & complain, I still try to take the approach I have since I got pregnant, enjoy every single tiny moment, good or bad, because at least I am blessed enough to go through all of this. This philosophy lies underneath all my stress and bad moments I have, even though I might not always show it, I do always stop and think about it. Some people never get to have a child of their own or some never get to hear their child cry or see what they look like...or one of many other things that happen to people or babies. You just have to step back, remember to say thank you and be grateful and embrace all of the moments...even when they have you awake at 2am.
Until next blog!
